Wounded
by Jyoti
Summary: (3-shot) AU Adrian shares her deepest thoughts about Mercy's death with someone she never thought she would. (Takes place when Grace gets back from Africa).
1. Chapter 1

**Wounded**

Grace felt the beating of her heart increase as she walked up to Adrian and Ben's condo. She knew Adrian's condition already. She knew she was depressed and she was becoming more and more unsure of if she could say anything to make Adrian feel better. But before she arrived at their condo, she realized that she alone couldn't be of much help, she needed someone else to help Adrian, someone who was more mature and could be of some type of help to her.

She knocked on the door, taking into account that Adrian might not even answer it. She waited patiently, trying to cool herself down and eliminate all of the doubtful thoughts that were in her head. She prayed silently in her head, that her plan would work. As she messed with her buttons on her white blouse, she heard the squeak of the door. As it opened she looked up to see Ben. His eyes were filled with grief. They were bloodshot, and she could tell that he hadn't been getting much sleep.

She smiled sympathetically at Ben, "Hi Ben." She didn't bother to ask him how he was, because she knew that wouldn't be of much help.

"Hi Grace," Ben forced a tired smile onto his face, "Adrian's sitting down on the couch...just walk right in and don't take no for an answer. I have to get to school."

"Bye Ben, and thanks for letting me come over."

"No thank you...I can't help her," he said, lowering his voice, "As much as I try to help her, to show her love, she just won't accept anything from me right now...and I really don't know what to do."

His voice cracked when he said that, and Grace wondered for a minute if Ben truly loved her like he seemed to. He seemed to feel more grief for not being able to help Adrian, than feeling grief for himself.

"I'm going to get her feeling better again Ben ok? Don't worry about a thing, I'll take it from here."

All he could do was nod as he made his way outside the condo. Grace stepped inside, and closed the door. As she walked inside she looked over at Adrian. Grace's first thought was that Adrian looked like a mess. Her hair was all over the place and there was food everywhere. She looked like she hadn't showered, and her clothes were raggedy.

"Hi Adrian!" Grace tried to be as cheerful as possible.

Adrian looked back at her with dead eyes, "What do you want Grace?"

Grace took a seat on the couch, still smiling, "I just wanted to see you...I've missed you and I feel terrible that I wasn't here when you needed me."

"You have a life. I don't expect you to be here all the time. Now what are you really here for? As if I don't know already," Adrian sneered, rolling her eyes. She bit into her doughnut, "Just go away Grace. You know you're my best friend, but I know you're here to try and get me to go to school. I know Ben's been asking people to come over and I told him that I wasn't going to go yet! I'm going to go when I want to go!"

"...Adrian, I really did miss you. I really felt like I should have been here even before the incident because you were going through something really important. You're my best friend, can you just hear me out?"

She groaned, but she waited patiently for Grace to continue talking.

"Adrian...I can't tell you what went wrong, or why any of this happened...All I know is that everything will be ok. And today I would really appreciate it if you would come outside with me, and we can take a trip to go see Rev. Stone," Grace said a little nervously.

Adrian glared at her, "Are you freaking kidding me right now! _Eres un idiota!¿Crees que quiero ir a ver a un pastor?" _

"Ok you know I took French freshman and sophomore year Adrian."

"Ugh, Grace are you really trying to convert me to Christianity right now? What the hell is wrong with you? Don't tell me you're back to being a strict Christian again. I don't need this right now."

"Adrian wait ok? I'm not trying to convert you to anything...Rev. Stone is more than just a pastor. He's been through a lot and I think he can really help you in your time of grief right now...If you can't do this for me, or for yourself, then do it for Ben."

At this she actually started listening whole-hardheartedly, "For Ben?"

"Adrian...You weren't the only one that lost a child," Grace paused for a moment, to see how Adrian would react, but when she didn't say anything she kept going, "Ben lost a daughter too...and he's in pain not just because he's upset about it, but because he's upset about how you're taking this...I know it hurts Adrian, but don't you think it hurts him to see you depressed everyday? Don't you think it hurts for him to go to school and have to face everyone at school who probably heard about the incident? Don't let him feel like he's going through this alone."

Adrian's first response was to scream at Grace and tell her that she would never understand her pain, because she hadn't lost a daughter after carrying her for nine months, but then when she really thought about it, regardless of her liking what Grace said, she realized that it may be true.

"...I know this Grace. I already know."

She sighed, "You know when my dad died...I kept thinking about what a horrible person I was, and how much pain I was in, that I hardly ever stopped to think about what my mom and Tom were going through...I just don't want you to do the same thing. And I don't want you to feel like there's nobody that you can talk to, because that's how I felt, like I was completely alone because nobody understood what I was going through...But Adrian you're not alone."

She didn't say anything.

"So will you come? Or will you at least think about?"

Adrian stared at the TV screen but muttered to Grace, "I'll think about it."

That was enough to bring a smile to Grace's face.

**A/N: **This is probably going to be a three-shot but yeah it's been stuck in my head for a while and I needed to get it out. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Little Pieces**

Getting Adrian to come and see Rev. Stone was the hardest thing that Grace ever had to do. It was harder than any advanced class she had taken, or any summer med program she had attended. Adrian was much too prideful to admit that she needed help; getting her to take a shower, to get out of the house and get some fresh air was like pulling teeth, but gradually, it did happen.

And now here Adrian was, palms sweating, eyes staring at the floor as she sat there in Rev. Stone's office. She was wearing blue jeans and a red v-neck, which was the best outfit she had worn all week. He waited patiently for her to say anything. He waited quietly with his hands crossed together, and his smiling face looking down at her. Next to her was no one. Grace was waiting outside, but Ben wasn't informed of her whereabouts. He was only given the information that him and Grace had gone out for the day, and he was more than pleased that someone could pull her out of the house.

In the back of her mind she knew that she needed help. In the back of her mind she may have even _wanted _help. But what she didn't want to do was talk about **the incident.** It left her with this burning feeling in her heart, it made her hands tremble, and her eyes fill with tears every-time she thought about it. The time ticked by. The clock moved with a slow pace, and still the room was silent, almost so silent that she could hear her own breathing. She suddenly wished that someone was here, just to make her feel a little more at ease. She hadn't told her parents specifically where she was going, but nobody questioned her whereabouts because she was with Grace.

And as the clock continued to tick, finally the room was filled with a small noise, coming from Rev. Stone.

"Adrian...I want you to know that I'm not here to ask you questions, or tell you how to feel. The truth is that with situations like this there's no right or wrong way to feel. I'm just here to let you vent. You can take something off this desk and throw it all at the wall if you want to. You can cry, you can laugh...anything Adrian. I'm just going to sit here with open ears."

She still wasn't looking at him, but her eyes became angry, and her voice was cryptic, "No offense but you listening isn't going to change what's happened. And honestly you have no idea what it's like to lose someone like this so why am I even here?"

She could feel something building up in her chest, but she wasn't sure what it was. She didn't know if she wanted to cry, or if she wanted to yell at him for trying to get her to talk. _"As if talking would help anything...All it's going to do is remind me of things I never wanted to happen. Things I never expected to happen to me..."_

"...You're right Adrian. I can't change what's happened, but talking does help you I can promise you that. I'm sure you don't want to reflect on such a heavy topic right now, but we can talk about anything Adrian. May I tell you a personal story?"

She shrugged her shoulders, and he knew that that was her way of indicating that he could proceed.

"I know what it's like to lose a child Adrian...even if it didn't exactly happen the way your situation happened."

Her ears perked up, and she would be lying if she said that she wasn't interested for a second.

"...I didn't know. I know Jack's your step-son but..."

"It's not something I typically talk about. My son died at eight years old. He got hit by a car...And I watched him everyday in that hospital," Rev. Stone paused for a second as he recollected the painful memories, "I held onto his little hand and I told him to stay with me. I just kept telling him that, as if he could somehow change his fate with some motivation...Needless to say that he couldn't hold on forever. It was his time to go."

"What did you do?" Adrian asked, her voice quiet.

"I did things that in the end never helped me Adrian. I was so bitter, and so upset about it that I neglected my wife because of it. In the back of my mind I knew that she was going through the same pain that I was going through, but I could do nothing to help her, because I couldn't help myself."

For a moment she thought of Ben, but she quickly whisked away the thought of him because she knew that if she didn't she would reflect on the fact that she was neglecting the only other person who could relate to what she was going through, and right now she really didn't want to think about that.

"I started taking drugs, which in the end only made things worse. But when I finally realized how messed up I was, and how much time I was wasting ruining my life, I got grief counseling, and trust me grief counseling was not a one day thing. It was ongoing, a continuous cycle of hatred, bitterness, sadness...But it helped me on my road to recovery."

Adrian was about to comment on it, but Rev. Stone's phone began to ring. He was about to put it on silent when Adrian suddenly stood up, "You should answer that...Thank you...for your story...I may be back, I'm not sure yet...But this was enough for the day to get me thinking about some things...I really think I should be home with my family right now."

Rev. Stone tossed her a friendly smile, "Ok Adrian, well if you ever want to talk, give me a call. And even if you don't want to talk to me, I can direct you to some of the best therapist out there ok?"

"Yeah...ok thanks."

**A/N:** I'm taking AP English this year, and I realized that in the stories we read there's so much description and usage of rhythmic techniques and I'm just like...Ugh I never do that. I need some help with my writing but anyway, thanks for reading! Also I don't know what actually happen to Rev. Stone's son other than he died, so that part was completely made up.


	3. Chapter 3

**New Beginnings **

It would be easy to say that after Adrian saw Rev. Stone her lifestyle drastically changed and they all lived happily ever after. But Adrian's life was never a fairy-tale, and it was going to take more than one meeting to get her life on track. What can be said was that the meeting truly did change her perspective on things. She thought of Ben the most, and made a true attempt at not shutting him out. She realized that she need Ben just as much as he needed her. They were the only two people they knew that could relate to losing a baby. After that day, Adrian decided that she would start seeing Rev. Stone at least once a week. Her parents were more than proud of her, but never pushed her when she occasionally backed out of seeing him.

After several weeks she took a huge step forward and she decided that she would bring Ben along with her. Now they were sitting down in Rev. Stone's office, and again Adrian could sense the awkwardness and the tension, as if it was her first day there. Ben wasn't saying much, even though he had a polite smile on his face.

"Like I told Adrian when she first got here...I'm not here to talk over you Ben, I'm here to let you vent."

And just like Adrian, Ben was getting angry too. They were much more alike than she had ever thought.

"Maybe I don't want to talk anymore...I'm going to school, I'm moving on since I have to...what else is there to do?"

Adrian gently placed a hand on his and he looked at her with surprise. This had been the first time in a while they had been so close to each other, "Ben...I know you have something to say...I know I had something to say when I came here...You've been taking care of me, letting me cry, letting me talk about whatever...But I don't want you to hold it in, because that's what makes us angry Ben," her eyes started to water, "That's what's going to make us go crazy...We can't keep it in anymore."

At this a tear rolled down Ben's eye and he placed his focus on the floor, "I really don't know what to say...I can't change anything...I guess God wasn't too fond of me being happy."

Rev. Stone felt the need to interject, but he let Ben continue to talk.

"I just don't understand how someone so beautiful can die so early...I know I screwed up, but what the hell did Mercy ever do? What was the point in all this!" He was getting frustrated again, but Adrian calmed him down with her touch.

Rev. Stone cleared his throat, "These are all hard questions with answers that sometimes don't even make sense...I can't tell you why Mercy had to go Ben...And I know telling you that everything happens for a reason will only bring out anger right now...All I can say is that these things do happen, and even though we can't make sense of it, we have to try and find ways to accept what life has thrown at is...I can tell you that Mercy didn't die because of you. Some things just happen. It's a part of life, and life is never easy. I respect you for coming here at all Ben, and for talking about such a hard thing."

"What is talking going to do huh?" Ben cried, "Is it going to bring her back? Because that's what I want honestly...That's all I want. These things can't just happen for no reason!"

"Ben-"

"Adrian...don't you want her back too? This was OUR baby...we were supposed to be with her, and watch her grow up, and take care of her...I miss her Adrian," he sobbed.

Adrian couldn't stop the tears from falling down her eyes. She'd never seen Ben like this. The entire time he had been keeping up this image to protect her, and now she felt even guiltier.

"I think that's all for us today...We have somewhere to go."

Rev. Stone sighed, truly feeling sorry for the couple, "Alright...come by any time."

She nodded, and helped him get out the door. She started driving and Ben just laid there, completely silent. When he finally did say something it was because he was completely confused. She parked the car and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Adrian where are we going?"

"I think we have someone we need to see and talk to right now...Come on."

He still didn't understand it, but he got out of the car anyway, and Adrian took his hand as they made their way through the graveyard. Now he understood exactly where they were going. As they walked around they finally found the gravestone that said **Mercy Sarah Boykevich. **

Ben could feel the tears in his eyes again, and he wondered why he couldn't keep them in anymore. He fell to his knees at the sight of the graveyard and just cried. Adrian held him, stroking his hair, and watching the tears fall down his eyes for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally stopped crying, the two looked at the gravestone in a type of awe and sadness mixed together.

"Mercy...we just want you to know that we'll never stop thinking about you ok? You're going to be in our hearts forever. We love you, we've always loved you. Even if what we did was wrong...We got a blessing out of it. I was only able to hold you for a few minutes. You weren't alive when I held you, but you were alive when you kicked in my stomach, and caused me all that pain and joy at the same time. I felt you...you were there. I don't know why you had to go so soon, but I know an angel like you has to be in Heaven...I didn't really care much for the whole after life thing before, but something about you just being dead and having no eternity doesn't sit right with me. Always remember me and Ben. Mercy, please don't forget us," she said all of this in shaky breaths.

Ben looked at her with a type of admiration. These were rare times when he saw Adrian truly let out all of her feelings, and when she did, it was hard not to smile at her. He pulled her into a hug, kissed her forehead and told her that they were going to get through this together. And she could only hope that he was right. Because it was then that she realized how much she truly loved and needed Ben in her life.

**A/N: **YAY! I finished it. Whenever I think of Mercy I just feel so bad. It makes me think of all of the people who's lost a child. Anyway thanks for reading.


End file.
